Top 5 Questions About Being Pregnant

After announcing our pregnancy, there are several ridiculous questions that have been presented over and over and over and over. I don't necessarily mind them and actually, I love talking to people about this journey and our tiny sprout, whom we lovingly refer to as "Jangie" (like Bennifer or Brangelina - but then not like that at all).

DISCLAIMER: If there was a sarcasm font I would begin using it here - there is no such font. Please don't be offended if you have been the generous and concerned friend presenting one or more of the questions below.


Here are the top 5 questions of the first trimester (and my answers):

5. How long have you known? Well, I was the first one to know the big secret. You see, there is one tell-tale sign that a girl is with child. Without details or continuing on this subject (just in case a boy reads it), it would be safe to say that I knew within a day or two of the 4th week (which seems more like it should be called the 1st week but, whatever). Combine that tell-tale sign with a smorgasbord of sticks flashing plus signs faster than I could flush the toilet and well, we knew. With the exception of our family and a couple of close friends, we kept my soon-to-be budding belly a secret for about 8 weeks.



4. Oh, Congratulations! Is that why you...?
Is that why you stopped drinking 80 million cups of coffee everyday? Is that why you have been eating Thai Cafe for lunch so often? Is that why you didn't help with any painting or lifting or carrying during At The Movies set-up week? Is that why you canceled your tanning membership? Is that why you finally got a tankini? Is that why you didn't have a glass of wine? Is that why you haven't been wakeboarding all summer? Is that why you're getting fat? Yes! That is exactly why. Thank you for pointing out every single slightly unhealthy aspect of my pre-preggo lifestyle.



3. Have you been sick?
Probably the question that I hate to answer almost the most. I don't mind talking about barf. I have barfed several thousand times in my life. I loathe this question because of the lashing, bitterness, and evil stares my answer provokes. Through the first few months, sometimes all 9 months, many expectant moms experience morning (noon and night) sickness. Eating, smelling or even thinking of food can bring on waves of horrific nausea. That is what I read in my book anyway. I have not been sick at all. Sorry. See, you're happy for me but so mad at me and maybe a little jealous all at the same time. A direct quote from my mother, who is anxiously awaiting her first grandchild, "Maybe you're just really good at being pregnant and you can have a lot of grand babies."
Uh huh. Let's do one at a time lady.

2. Do you think/feel like it is a boy or a girl?
Seriously? I am supposed to feel like Jangie is one or the other. Is it supposed to appear to me in a dream? I dreamed I peed the baby out one time but I was freaked out and woke up sweating before I could check the sex. Seriously, can people tell? I've never done this before. I have decided that this question is a polite way for people to find out what sex we hope Jangie is and that my friends, is information for a later post.


1. Were you trying?
Ummm...excuse me? Did I forget to put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door? This question has been followed by some real doozies. To keep it PG Rated, the most common follow up question to this inquiry is, "Were you trying or just not preventing?" I could be completely wrong about this or maybe I listened too intently to an overzealous school nurse give a radical explanation about birds, bees, boys, and babies but, I'm not so sure that "trying" and "not preventing" aren't pretty much the same thing. When this particular question is posed I always find myself struggling to answer. I don't know if I should pause and give a quick lesson about sex and how babies are made and emphasize that it only takes one time or if I should just answer what I think they are trying to ask. Yes. We meant to do it (no pun intended). Now if you could please take your questions outside of my bedroom I bet we'd all be a little more comfortable.



Baby update: thumb sucking, peeing, grasping, and facial expressions are all happening. Jangie is the size of a lemon and my stomach is sticking out as if the little sprout was the size of a cantaloupe. Hello week 14 and unbuttoned jeans.







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